Day 3~
I am the most laziest repeated student. Today, I choose to follow the clinician who has the least patient. Two outstanding happening make me think i had experienced new exposure!!
First, have u ever think what will happen if there is no current supply in ICU? I did experience this today. While I m writing the case note, suddenly no current supply. The doctor immediately check for all mechanical ventilators' current supply. All still functioning as usual. The clinician told me that there is two type of plug in ward, the yellow mark plug is for emergency use. No matter what happen to the current supply, the yellow-mark plug will function as usual. If it is not functioning, mean the plug is got problem, may need call technician to repair it. Every patient who need current supply for monitoring is safe!!
Second, today I finally have chance to enter psychiatric ward!! I am so excited! Each time i heard all the funny story who enter PSY ward, but i never experience byself. I feel very excited yet i feel very scare. This will be a very great memory especially in this tough time...@@

Day 4 ~
Today is the 4th day of my posting. As usual, we go up ward and we treat patient. Today, i did badly. The clinician is complaint about me. Her complaint start to make me worry about myself.
Today lunch, we are like celebrating our failure and we having indian food and chit-chat together the whole praying period. I can foresee that our friendship between those who fail will be very strong. Because we experienced it together. Only we can know the feeling better.
The worst part of today is stepped into jungle. I hate him. I hate him!!!! I did almost cry in front of him. But, i wont let him know my weakness. The more i face him, the more i feel want to quit the course. He makes me think that i seriously not a physiotherapist. I just want to QUIT!! Seriously, i dont want to meet him anymore after this!!!! He is my nightmare. I hate him!!!

The 8 days journey

I fail my practical exam. It's the journey during preparing my resit exam.

Day 1~
Today is the first day posting after so long. Liching and me definitely in the down mood. this recall back the memory that we gonna to commit suicide together when first semester. This time, will we discuss how to commit suicide again? haha...
Sara is the most steady failed-candidate. We are discussing why we fail in the exam. He claims that may be he is the only indian in the class? and he fail for both semester. High possibility. Damn pity...@@
the most steady failed-candidate is suggested us to go out celebrate and go for a date. He claims that, if there is no failure in life, the our life is just like a horizontal line. but if we get down, we may boot ourselves up above our current level. Ya, it is right, all right, just my emotion not yet adapt to the current situation.
Everyone only know how success Thomas Edison is, but anyone concerns how many failure he did? yea, it is right. Sara's word really make liching and me feel better.

Day2~
Today is the second day of posting. The day is down as usual. I am having moderate toothache. Life is torturing with toothache.
Early in the morning, I met Ray. He is so surprise that I fail in the exam. He feel weird when got know i fail. I am quite happy because he thought i am better than others, and in his judgement, I'm passed-student. He lets me choose which patient i want to treat. He treat me like real physio. This make me gain back my confident after a fall... Seriously, i lost my confident to mobilise a patient. I cant judge the clinical condition accordingly until i ask liching help me to decide...T.T

My father want visit me. But i refuse his visit. I dont know how i gonna to face him. I already get used to be independent, no body concern me all these days. So, i don't how to face the concerning from him. So i refuse. When i told liching about this, she said my strongness make her feel herself very weak. Haiz... i always play the role for consoling others, now the role is exchanges, so i really don't know how to take it. Not because i m strong and you are weak, it's just i train to be strong....

The lion want us to settle up all the thesis and manuscript by this week. This really make me feel breathless, especially in current mood...

我們一定要面帶微笑，

勇敢去面對挑戰 ..

Wherever you go, 

whatever you are doing, 

ALWAYS

Clearly define your goal. 

BREATHE

Please breathe! I'm almost there. 

Life is suck with thesis. 

It is so torturing. I lost my smile. 

I feel lack of oxygen supply for myself!!

It's not a joke.

There is lots of happening recently. 

Whether i like it or not, the life is still go in. 

I dont even have choice to choose whether i want accept all this or not. 

I'm seriously dissatisfied with my life now.

One day, I will change it!!

I keep the promise for myself. 

My life, please wait for me~

I can see. 

~ALMOST THERE~

Merry Sinyu

Persevere

Jamues said: "When you don't see the results that you want, persevere and push on..."


这才是我该有的态度啊！
我太消极，太容易放弃了。
这真的很不像我！
有时候我会想，
是我变了吗？我老了？有心无力了吗？
还是我经历的这一切，
让我变得不敢有目标，
我只想躲在comfort zone.
我真的好累哦。。。
我休息，我沉淀，我冷静，
我还是找不回原来的我。。。


*原来环境真的可以改变一个人~

Once Upon a Time

Today, when I was arranged back some files in my laptop, and I found out this post. 

要忘记一个人是没有方程式的。当你越想忘记一个人的时候，你可能永远忘不了他。当你想着要怎样忘记他时，又没有发觉那个他又出现在你脑海里了。你想，我要忘记与他共度最回味的那个夜晚，你会先回忆一遍那晚的情景。那样，你何时才能忘记那个他呢？

我曾经很努力的想要忘记一个人。我用尽了方法想要忘记那个人。听别人说，用多久的时间去爱一个人，就需要用那么久的时间去忘记他。我信。可是我对他的爱没间断过，那我到底喜欢他多久了呢？我自己也不清楚。又有时候，我让自己很忙很忙，忙到我自己也精疲力尽了，几乎倒在床上就能入眠。可是他还是在我心里。 他的一个背影，几乎就能把握的努力一次击败。

我多次的骂自己，，我怎么那么傻呢？我自己也不知道。就像戏剧里头每次演的戏码，我不相信爱情，爱情在我的生活里简直就是Nothing.直到我遇见了他。他一样是个人，两个眼睛一个鼻子一个嘴巴。可是我就是喜欢上他了，而不是别人。跟他在一起的第一个夜晚，天空是漆黑的，闪烁的星星点缀了这漆黑的夜空。这星空很美。是我从来没认真注意过夜空，还是因为有他在身旁陪旁呢？我们俩什么话都没说。静静的享受着这静谧的时刻。

分开后，我已养成一种习惯，就是抬头看天空。抬头看天空是因为我想他了。后来有一天晚上，天空依然漆黑，星星依然点缀着，可是他已不在我身旁。那时候的我，很累。幸福让人嘴角上扬，想念让人很累。

现在的我在离家几千里，这里的天空很美。而且还有一颗很明亮的星星，每天都在同个方向出现。每当天空漆黑一片时，那颗星星还是会出现。

有时候，人是矛盾的，明明口头上说我不喜欢他了。转个身，又会想他到底在做什么？

爱情到底是什么东西？每个人你都不知道，每个人都在问同样的问题。有些人爱的很幸福，爱让他们拥有了全世界。有些人爱的浑身是伤，他们认为爱让他们受罪了。

初恋，像是牛奶巧克力。偿第一口的时候，每个人都会爱上它。可是吃久了，会腻。甚至会有甜尿病。可是爱情应该像苦涩的巧克力，不甜腻既有让人回味无穷。太甜的巧克力会让人感到厌烦，久了，就会觉得很腻。

He will always the beauty in my life. I still miss him. Frankly speaking, I love him. And i never forget is the critical time during 'the process of forgetting him', my friends stay sides of me, and they share the happiness with me. I guess they never knew when this happen. Haha... Anyway, thanks. I am fine. 

Smile makes thing easy.. ^^

Always be strong...

Mean of Life

Seriously think that the process of waiting something to happen is really torturing rather than while we experiencing the process. During the process, I really think 'Time Flies' !! 

Even everything seem went well. But all are in mess. It's time to refresh my mind and get the direction of myself. Today, finally i got time to sit down and think of all happening. 

New decision had made. And I promise myself I wont let another regret happen in life. I can do better. The plan can be achieved. I can I will make it for myself. 

Cheers for the life. 

Cruel-EST Fact

The second practical exam finally comes to end. But this time, it doesn't bring a lot of excitement to we all. In fact, we all are insomnia! What's happen to us? 

Today, immediately finish the practical exam for pediatrics,  while waiting for the viva session, Wynn told me a ugly truth. I know I was so down and Wynn actually regret to tell me the fact. Of course, it doesn't affect my performance in viva session. Controlled my emotional and I quite familiar with the examiner as well, 

I really think reality is cruel, especially when it is an ugly fact. Obviously I can't accept the truth. Recall back all the memory, even I am not the top student, but I am not a too bad student as well. But I think I never fail in the exam. I keep thinking about those stuff. And keep consoling myself. I know my characteristic well, I have very strong self-esteem. Dignity is very important to me. So, no matter how, no matter what happen, I wont let myself fall into a terrible situation which will make myself lose self-esteem. I never know my nervousness will kill one day. Seriously it make me feel like the end of the world. May be lots of people don't understand, why I so care about this, but this is ME! It's just me. Different people have different expect toward themselves. It's just what I expect myself achieve in my life. 

I rang Steven. And I met a crueler counselor. Sometimes I wound like to phone Steven because I think he  not so understand me, so he can give more subjective advise to me. Yeah, it's really very subjective. Wanna thanks to him to spent time with me while driving. Thanks, even you are cruel, but it really make me feel better. At least there is someone told me the fact and awakened me what should I do now. So the best consolation is telling the fact? haha...

This end, actually it symbolizes another start for us. Next week is our thesis presentation. Because of time constraint, I think each of us just have 10minutes to present our work. Yeah, quite a good news. But in fact, it just carry 10 marks.@@ After the presentation, we need to attend the manuscript workshop for 2 days and also the most important farewell party for all forth year student. After that, of course we are rushing to finish the thesis chapters and submit the hard cover thesis. Not to forget is that, we still need to ready for our theory exam in between this period. After all, it is time to know our result. And perhaps ready for resit? Wow, it is another BUSY journey for us.   

I keep telling myself..,

Be strong, don't afraid of failure! I can make it pretty with my effort eventually. 

Yeah, keep on fighting for my BUSY journey~ go go go!!!

Be Strong

千万不要把自己的软弱展现给别人看；
千万不要把自己的狼狈述说给别人听； 
因为根本没有人会觉的你很可怜， 
只会觉的你很无能很没用。
什么事情都要学会自己一个人承担， 
因为没有人会帮你 。
什么事情都要学会自己一个人坚强， 
因为凡事都靠自己！
~重要时刻往往没人能够帮助你，所以做人一定要独立，要加油！


无论有多困难，
都坚强地抬头挺胸，
告诉所有人，
你并非他们想象的那样不堪一击!!!
~是的，抬头挺胸，小小的挫折嘛，没什么的！！


小时候微笑是一种心情，长大了微笑是一种表情。
~赞成

LOF ~ Loss of Feeling

原來最疼痛的表情竟是沒有情緒
原來最悲哀的是我不能面對自己

我应该很伤心的。。。

When the time the examiner ask me:" do you think you will pass the exam?" The moment, I don't know how to answer the question. Of course I wish myself can pass the exam, but I did almost harm that patient. What should I answer her? 

I know the chance for me to pass is just 50 50. when the time i step out from the ward, I totally loss of my feeling. I don't why I don't have feeling at all. Either crying, or laughing, shouting or blank, no either one. Is it one type of evident of growing up?

After the analysis from we all, there is only two type of physiotherapist in this world. One is play safe-type, and another one is aggressive-type. Being practice for 6months, I never know that I am the aggressive-type. Usually I am the play-safe type, but today what wrong with me?!!! I harm the patient?!! I can't accept that!! 

Seriously may I make a complain here? It's so unfair for us. Sometimes We really think we are not that bad than what the examiner had complained about us. It's just our knowledge's store is shut off during the exam period. Before the exam, u may know the answer. During the exam, you can't answer it as usual. But immediately you step off from the examination room, yeah, you get the answer! Is it funny? Not at all! Emotional really gives the big effect in the outcome result. But everyone say it is a PROCESS! It's a suck process. 

I don't know what the feeling I should have now. Will I fail the exam? What will happen if i fail the exam? What should i do if i fail the exam? What...

I never know there is one symptom what we call LOSS OF FEELING, instead of loss of conscious, loss of alertness... Now I know, LOF, presentation associated with exam's shock ( blur, mental disorientation, loss of appetite). Yeah, this time to keep fit and slim ourselves. 

A Coward

Today is the first day of my practical exam. Yeah, it is a sunny day, but I don't really think is a good day for me. Immediately I arrived the HUKM and while on the way walking into the department, the handle of my bottle is broken down!! Is it a good sign? I was thinking. Then I saw my prof and the CEO of Pantai Hospital were walking toward the department. Getting down. Why prof is coming? Which subject she is going to examine us? Immediately after that, I saw my 'lovely' supervisor was coming from another side. Yeah, all the horrible examiners were arrived. Getting worst. The tiny hope that one of them will have diarrhea or emergency leave is broke down.I've eating my bread. Even I spread with my favorite Tuna mayonnaise, I still loss my appetite. @@

The officer who arranged the subject for examination came near to us and called my name. I was wonder what is happening. What? I'm the first candidate? I was so shock. Because according to the arrangement among ourselves, I am the forth candidate. I was so shock. Immediately I picked up my tools and entered the gym. What's a shock morning.!!

The case i got for my exam is bilateral OA. It's a common case. But I had did badly. I can't find the asterisk in this patient. I really can't get it. It's a long term management, I really don't know what is the short term asterisk for this patient. I was so depress when questioned by both of the examiners. The patient!! He was like viva-ing me. He asked me a lot of question beyond my level. Until the end, the examiner stop him from asking me.  I was wondering, why I got a so educated subject? 

In the viva session, once again, I was being beat down! I think my performance is really bad, until I couldn't find any reasons for what had I did. There is only 4 words can explain the situation today - 全军覆没! 

I really don't know what had I did. Now, fail or pass, is all beyond my control. What I can do is praying hard. Will I fail the exam? I have no idea... Everyone is scared of failure, me as well. That's why I pray hard to pass the exam. 

Sometimes, I really think I'm just a coward.

It's THE END

Today is my last day posting for this term. I wish this is really the last day for me in my Uni life. I want pass the exam!!! Praying hard for myself. It's next week!!

throughout the practical session of this semester, I learn a lot. Sometimes the clinicians even treat us like the real physiotherapist. They let us to make decision by ourselves. And we are more mature in our handling skills. This posting, I was really like zombie. I already tired with the clinical life. Somemore I need to focus on the research. The worst thing is I dislike my positng-mates. In this incidence, I really agree that study-mate is very important to shape your study mood. I hate people who dislike to share or people shame on you if you fail in certain part in practise. What the purpose of practise? Why I must be perfect in order to benefit you somethings? I was not born to benefit you. I thought we are learning together. So I dont like to join the session with them. I feel valueless. I miss my ex-practical-mate alot!!!

Anyways, it comes to THE END. I just wish myself pass the practical exam. I know what the lack in myself, but I strongly believe that I can improve in future time when I practise it fulltime. Thanks a lot to whose teach me along the journey. I will always appreciate what you had gave me.

With LOVE~ the end!

A stormy mind

Again, I am now in the library. It is a sunny morning, with only few patients in the ward refer for Physiotherapy treatment. It's also what I wish as every nation stay in healthy stated so that I can use this time off period to complete my work. 


Practical exam, the most horrible exam I had sat in my life, is around the corner again!! This time is slightly different from the previous one. Because I have less time to do my preparation, plus I'm rushing to prepare for my chapter 4,5 & 6 of my thesis. Sometimes, I really feel that life is suck! Man, give me a breath please! Too many things to be completed at one time. Both are important. So, I had no ideas which one i should focus more. 


Staying calm, is what I'm doing now. Sometimes, I quite worry about the calm. Is it symbolized the silent night before the storm comes. 


Few words for myself, 


Be strong, Be brave, 
The rainbow will come after the rainy day. 
Don't give up!!
You can do it!!

Right Here, Right now

Right here right now, 


I am in the library, sitting in front a compuater, typing for this post. 
The doctor sits on my right side is reading comic, the administor officer stis on my left side is doing his work. 


My condition at the right moment isn't so good. Having the effective yet productive cough heavily. Greenish thick sputum makes me suspect myself was infected with HAP( Hospital-acquaired pneumonia). But, no laboratory had done. So the diagnosis will be TRO HAP.


The mood at the moment is wu liao. The challenge in my life, is too much. I don't which one I should complete first. Lion in the jungle, tiger and leo is waiting me to step into the examination hall. Everyone is seem stare at me and want to beat me down. I'm so tired, yet I still strive for my life. I don't how long I can sustain this life, but I just keep doing it. 


My thinking is now focusing on will I overcome all the challenges, and graduated on time? Am I greedy? I had lost something important to me in my life. Even I still smiling everyday, but it makes a scar in my heart. I just don't wish I will lost again. I'm just an ordinary human in this world, please don't challenge me. 


Right here, right now,
It is me!!