Cruel-EST Fact

The second practical exam finally comes to end. But this time, it doesn't bring a lot of excitement to we all. In fact, we all are insomnia! What's happen to us? 

Today, immediately finish the practical exam for pediatrics,  while waiting for the viva session, Wynn told me a ugly truth. I know I was so down and Wynn actually regret to tell me the fact. Of course, it doesn't affect my performance in viva session. Controlled my emotional and I quite familiar with the examiner as well, 

I really think reality is cruel, especially when it is an ugly fact. Obviously I can't accept the truth. Recall back all the memory, even I am not the top student, but I am not a too bad student as well. But I think I never fail in the exam. I keep thinking about those stuff. And keep consoling myself. I know my characteristic well, I have very strong self-esteem. Dignity is very important to me. So, no matter how, no matter what happen, I wont let myself fall into a terrible situation which will make myself lose self-esteem. I never know my nervousness will kill one day. Seriously it make me feel like the end of the world. May be lots of people don't understand, why I so care about this, but this is ME! It's just me. Different people have different expect toward themselves. It's just what I expect myself achieve in my life. 

I rang Steven. And I met a crueler counselor. Sometimes I wound like to phone Steven because I think he  not so understand me, so he can give more subjective advise to me. Yeah, it's really very subjective. Wanna thanks to him to spent time with me while driving. Thanks, even you are cruel, but it really make me feel better. At least there is someone told me the fact and awakened me what should I do now. So the best consolation is telling the fact? haha...

This end, actually it symbolizes another start for us. Next week is our thesis presentation. Because of time constraint, I think each of us just have 10minutes to present our work. Yeah, quite a good news. But in fact, it just carry 10 marks.@@ After the presentation, we need to attend the manuscript workshop for 2 days and also the most important farewell party for all forth year student. After that, of course we are rushing to finish the thesis chapters and submit the hard cover thesis. Not to forget is that, we still need to ready for our theory exam in between this period. After all, it is time to know our result. And perhaps ready for resit? Wow, it is another BUSY journey for us.   

I keep telling myself..,

Be strong, don't afraid of failure! I can make it pretty with my effort eventually. 

Yeah, keep on fighting for my BUSY journey~ go go go!!!

Be Strong

千万不要把自己的软弱展现给别人看；
千万不要把自己的狼狈述说给别人听； 
因为根本没有人会觉的你很可怜， 
只会觉的你很无能很没用。
什么事情都要学会自己一个人承担， 
因为没有人会帮你 。
什么事情都要学会自己一个人坚强， 
因为凡事都靠自己！
~重要时刻往往没人能够帮助你，所以做人一定要独立，要加油！


无论有多困难，
都坚强地抬头挺胸，
告诉所有人，
你并非他们想象的那样不堪一击!!!
~是的，抬头挺胸，小小的挫折嘛，没什么的！！


小时候微笑是一种心情，长大了微笑是一种表情。
~赞成

LOF ~ Loss of Feeling

原來最疼痛的表情竟是沒有情緒
原來最悲哀的是我不能面對自己

我应该很伤心的。。。

When the time the examiner ask me:" do you think you will pass the exam?" The moment, I don't know how to answer the question. Of course I wish myself can pass the exam, but I did almost harm that patient. What should I answer her? 

I know the chance for me to pass is just 50 50. when the time i step out from the ward, I totally loss of my feeling. I don't why I don't have feeling at all. Either crying, or laughing, shouting or blank, no either one. Is it one type of evident of growing up?

After the analysis from we all, there is only two type of physiotherapist in this world. One is play safe-type, and another one is aggressive-type. Being practice for 6months, I never know that I am the aggressive-type. Usually I am the play-safe type, but today what wrong with me?!!! I harm the patient?!! I can't accept that!! 

Seriously may I make a complain here? It's so unfair for us. Sometimes We really think we are not that bad than what the examiner had complained about us. It's just our knowledge's store is shut off during the exam period. Before the exam, u may know the answer. During the exam, you can't answer it as usual. But immediately you step off from the examination room, yeah, you get the answer! Is it funny? Not at all! Emotional really gives the big effect in the outcome result. But everyone say it is a PROCESS! It's a suck process. 

I don't know what the feeling I should have now. Will I fail the exam? What will happen if i fail the exam? What should i do if i fail the exam? What...

I never know there is one symptom what we call LOSS OF FEELING, instead of loss of conscious, loss of alertness... Now I know, LOF, presentation associated with exam's shock ( blur, mental disorientation, loss of appetite). Yeah, this time to keep fit and slim ourselves. 

A Coward

Today is the first day of my practical exam. Yeah, it is a sunny day, but I don't really think is a good day for me. Immediately I arrived the HUKM and while on the way walking into the department, the handle of my bottle is broken down!! Is it a good sign? I was thinking. Then I saw my prof and the CEO of Pantai Hospital were walking toward the department. Getting down. Why prof is coming? Which subject she is going to examine us? Immediately after that, I saw my 'lovely' supervisor was coming from another side. Yeah, all the horrible examiners were arrived. Getting worst. The tiny hope that one of them will have diarrhea or emergency leave is broke down.I've eating my bread. Even I spread with my favorite Tuna mayonnaise, I still loss my appetite. @@

The officer who arranged the subject for examination came near to us and called my name. I was wonder what is happening. What? I'm the first candidate? I was so shock. Because according to the arrangement among ourselves, I am the forth candidate. I was so shock. Immediately I picked up my tools and entered the gym. What's a shock morning.!!

The case i got for my exam is bilateral OA. It's a common case. But I had did badly. I can't find the asterisk in this patient. I really can't get it. It's a long term management, I really don't know what is the short term asterisk for this patient. I was so depress when questioned by both of the examiners. The patient!! He was like viva-ing me. He asked me a lot of question beyond my level. Until the end, the examiner stop him from asking me.  I was wondering, why I got a so educated subject? 

In the viva session, once again, I was being beat down! I think my performance is really bad, until I couldn't find any reasons for what had I did. There is only 4 words can explain the situation today - 全军覆没! 

I really don't know what had I did. Now, fail or pass, is all beyond my control. What I can do is praying hard. Will I fail the exam? I have no idea... Everyone is scared of failure, me as well. That's why I pray hard to pass the exam. 

Sometimes, I really think I'm just a coward.

It's THE END

Today is my last day posting for this term. I wish this is really the last day for me in my Uni life. I want pass the exam!!! Praying hard for myself. It's next week!!

throughout the practical session of this semester, I learn a lot. Sometimes the clinicians even treat us like the real physiotherapist. They let us to make decision by ourselves. And we are more mature in our handling skills. This posting, I was really like zombie. I already tired with the clinical life. Somemore I need to focus on the research. The worst thing is I dislike my positng-mates. In this incidence, I really agree that study-mate is very important to shape your study mood. I hate people who dislike to share or people shame on you if you fail in certain part in practise. What the purpose of practise? Why I must be perfect in order to benefit you somethings? I was not born to benefit you. I thought we are learning together. So I dont like to join the session with them. I feel valueless. I miss my ex-practical-mate alot!!!

Anyways, it comes to THE END. I just wish myself pass the practical exam. I know what the lack in myself, but I strongly believe that I can improve in future time when I practise it fulltime. Thanks a lot to whose teach me along the journey. I will always appreciate what you had gave me.

With LOVE~ the end!

A stormy mind

Again, I am now in the library. It is a sunny morning, with only few patients in the ward refer for Physiotherapy treatment. It's also what I wish as every nation stay in healthy stated so that I can use this time off period to complete my work. 


Practical exam, the most horrible exam I had sat in my life, is around the corner again!! This time is slightly different from the previous one. Because I have less time to do my preparation, plus I'm rushing to prepare for my chapter 4,5 & 6 of my thesis. Sometimes, I really feel that life is suck! Man, give me a breath please! Too many things to be completed at one time. Both are important. So, I had no ideas which one i should focus more. 


Staying calm, is what I'm doing now. Sometimes, I quite worry about the calm. Is it symbolized the silent night before the storm comes. 


Few words for myself, 


Be strong, Be brave, 
The rainbow will come after the rainy day. 
Don't give up!!
You can do it!!

Right Here, Right now

Right here right now, 


I am in the library, sitting in front a compuater, typing for this post. 
The doctor sits on my right side is reading comic, the administor officer stis on my left side is doing his work. 


My condition at the right moment isn't so good. Having the effective yet productive cough heavily. Greenish thick sputum makes me suspect myself was infected with HAP( Hospital-acquaired pneumonia). But, no laboratory had done. So the diagnosis will be TRO HAP.


The mood at the moment is wu liao. The challenge in my life, is too much. I don't which one I should complete first. Lion in the jungle, tiger and leo is waiting me to step into the examination hall. Everyone is seem stare at me and want to beat me down. I'm so tired, yet I still strive for my life. I don't how long I can sustain this life, but I just keep doing it. 


My thinking is now focusing on will I overcome all the challenges, and graduated on time? Am I greedy? I had lost something important to me in my life. Even I still smiling everyday, but it makes a scar in my heart. I just don't wish I will lost again. I'm just an ordinary human in this world, please don't challenge me. 


Right here, right now,
It is me!!