七月三十一日

今天是七月的最后一天了。
我的恶运会因此而结束吗？
七月发生了很多很伤我心的事。
我不知道要怎么面对，
我开始分不清谁对我是真心的，
谁对我是虚伪的。
我得任性，
是让我忽略那些事实吗？
任性结束，
所以我心碎了。
让一切结束吧。
因为不想去揭发那些残冷的事实。
这些事情让我学会了：
原来不是每一份真心都会获得相等的回报。
跟耀谈了很多，
好担心我说的话会伤到他。
可是，他是我的朋友，
他应该很幸福才对。
我想他很幸福的生活每一天。
他懂我吗？
如果我说错了，
就请原谅我吧。
告诉他很多我的想法。
就纯粹想法。
现在的我是空的，
不会因为某人而拒绝了某人，
不会因为某些原因而对某人特别好。
就这样~
p/s:耀，没有要你帮我宣传的意思。。。

七月二十六日 — Climb in My Life

我告诉自己，
只要自己覺得不苦,
那就不會感受到苦了...
原来不是的。
我把苦都收在心里的最深处。。。
累积久了，
它就像关不紧的水龙头，
化成了水，
不停地从我眼眶里流出来。
不停地流，
我控制不住——
整整一个小时。。。
这才开学的第二个星期，
我已经受不了了。
突如其来的消息，
真的让我崩溃了。
让我痛快地哭一场吧~

其实打从一开始，
我就很清楚游戏的原则，
我可以接受那个事实，
对我而言，
它也是个考验，
一个成长的机会。
我很清楚，
那是个我不能违反的定律。
或许对我而言，
泪水只是压力的象征吧。
不是因为我不能接受事实。。。
最近真的觉得很压力，
我却必须告诉自己，
要加油。
这是个释放的方式吧~
我以为我是坚强的，
原来我只不过是个普通人。
连个坚强的普通人都称不上。。。
现在的我，
没有悲伤，没有快乐，
没有希望，没有目标，
脑子一片空白。
我要怎样生存下去？
我也不知道。。。

人是因为这样而成长的吗？！

I'm finding out the answer by seLf-expereince now.

This is the long term experiment conducted by me.
p/s: 我需要个高级的保温壶，
来保温昨日的快乐，
让我每一天都回味。
昨日的快乐，
还没过二十四小时就消失了。。。

七月二十四日 — Saturday~

Today is Saturday,
Yet I still need attending class.
But I didn’t bring my heart there.
I can’t pay my concentration even I try hard.
So, just let it.

Today, my heart is very pain.
This is the first time I go shopping,
Spent RM100++ only for 2 clothes.
1 Padini formal shirt and 1 Voir Long pants.
Actually the price already have 50% off…
But, to me, it is still expensive…

Recently I found myself have difficulty in making decision.
WTH!!
Till this morning,
I still think,
Shall I enjoy my weekend at Bangi there?
Because I hope can enjoy life much alike full Uni- life
Rather than the life I having now…=.=
But why I am so unsure about it??
All is because stress.
3rd year,

it is really a gap for us to jump off and reaching forward.
We need pay a lot of time and patient to achieve that level.
So, before we can relax,

I will think twice, should I?
It is not only me, but all of us…
Like today, even we go out,
We just go shop for formal shirt which we need to wear everyday..
And I still think that
should I have a movie with my secondary schoolmate tomorrow?
Just now on the way back,
we are asking what kind of life we live now?
Will we happy about the current life?
Definitely not!
But what can we do?
That is Life~
P/s: 只要自己覺得不苦, 那就不會感受到苦了...

七月二十二日 — No eyes in my hands

Haiz…
Today finally gone…
It is a tiring day for me.
I went to HUKM for the very first real practical session with lecturer.
Yesterday night I was busy prepared for this.
Very nervous,
All about the lion — Mr Leo…
Still the morning,
I was busy asking question about the yesterday lecture…
M I crazy? I guess so…
This morning,
When I was deep thinking alone,
Anson had done something childish action toward me…
With the over response I gave,
The whole class was laughing at me…
=='' =='' =='' ==''
Then I remember yesterday night what I did
It is funny!!
Even the day is full of stress,
but it still a lot of joke to make u smile without realizing.

p/s:Let this as my memory...

This morning, I met with 2 patients.
The first patient, Mr soo…
If you ask me,
What do feel when met a head surgery patient…
Totally no feeling.
Still remember the first posting last semester,
I felt pain even when I observe it.
I m curious, am I still a human?
The moral of the lesson from this patient is:
Please be a rude and aggressive physiotherapist!
The moral of the story from our group for this visit is:
Please do get marry,
else u will suffer when days go by…
(from KS)

The second patient,
He is a teacher with neck pain after having MVA.
Erm…he is nothing special,
But the person treating him is quite special.
He is the one always scolding us and we hate him.
He rises up the issue,
Will u control patient or else u are being controlled by the patient?
Most of us is being controlled by patients as they willing to do so =.=
But many people hope to be controlled by him.
People pay RM 150 per session just wan controlled by him,
Rather than pay RM5 to control other physiotherapist.
What the attraction does he give to patient?
The moral of the lesson is :
No eyes in my hands…
Most of the times,
We use our hands, fingers to feel
The muscle, bony structure, and any abnormalities…
Like there are eyes in your fingers,
Through the skin,
It can see what had happen in your body.
But, no eyes in my hands…

These two days,
We just study neck…
Whole two days with neck!!
Finally it comes to end.
What the conclusion??
I m having neck pain now.. ;(
Who is willing to treat me??
p/s: Tomorrow lesson continue with shoulder…
Is my shoulder pain coming next??
Worring…

七月十八日 —

Haiz…
请允许我叹气好吗？
昨晚太迟睡了，
所以今天睡迟了。
读了一封来自学长的信。
我现在的心情是怎样的呢？
Motivated,down,disappointed?
It is COMPLICATED.
是的，很复杂。
以前的我们，
总会想想未来的我们会是什么样子的。
现在我脑海里，
是模糊一片的。
原来未来是无法策划的。
或许是因为看清了事实，
我才会越读越怕吧。
真糟糕~
想起昨天学姐忙碌的样子，
以后的我也是会这样吗？
为我的论文而烦恼，
为我的实习而烦恼，
为我的考试而烦恼，
甚至为我能不能毕业而烦恼。
现在的我，
为我的学业而烦恼，
为我的实习而烦恼，
为我的挑战而烦恼，
为我能不能生存下去而烦恼。
有没有发觉我的笑容少了。
我发觉了。。。
就算普通的聊天，
我也开始无法开怀大笑了。
不管我多想放松自己；
我开始要自己加油；
不管我多想回家，
我也要自己留在这儿读书。
如果我是一只小小鸟，
现在也只是断了翅膀的小小鸟。
不为什么，
就为了解决那该死的烦恼~
我总说成绩不是一切，
是的，成绩不是一切。
因为成绩是不能解决烦恼的。
能解决烦恼的是——我。
怎样的我才能生存下去。
是我决定未来的我。
终于明白被逼着长大是什么感觉。
p/s:才发觉，我还是没变，
只要有东西烦，
人就变得很迟钝。
迟些，不会连他们的名字都忘了吧？！
希望不会到那种地步。。。

Letter From A Senior~

I m definitely not the best person to tell you this, but I m willing to take all the stones or banana peels that you going to throw at me for trying to share my bullshit lesson..

1. Do not afraid to ask question.
-Most of the question regarding medical scenario cannot answer with a definite answer. It reminds me our biomechanic lecturer in UKM, he always answered our question with 1 simple sentence: IT DEPENDS.. You definitely will have a lot of questions to ask seniors during your orientation week. But, as you work longer, your sense of curiosity will be numbed by the busy work, the assumption that you know it, the afraid of exposed your ignorance or stupidity , or the laziness itself. There is no stupid question, only stupid people not dare to ask question.
If you feel degraded for keep asking ‘simple’ question to your senior, it is good to discuss your pt with your colleagues or closed friend. During my 1st few months of working, I came across a few diagnosis that I cannot find the meaning. Eg: AMS..ARU.. the 1st time I came across it, I searched in internet but to no avail. I somehow ignored it and work blithely thereafter, until one day I ask 1 of my colleague with the most casual tone while we are chatting, and the answer is: altered mental status , acute retention of urine. BOOM!!!! I put on a poker face and quickly jump to other topic before he find out my excitement..
Besides the abbreviation, the communication skills and handlings of patient are something that can only gain through experience. Appreciate the time when u having wardround, audit by seniors, or any chances to follow a senior. This is the time to learn, to absorb the knowledge from him/she, to breakthrough your robotic routine of treating pt, to reflect on your own practice. Undeniably, the prospect of having a senior observing you, writing something (good or bad) into a form, while you treating patient is quite daunting. But at the end of the day, u will find that you are learning, and this is all that matters.

2. Do hang out with colleagues
Everytime I hang out with them, it is an eye-opener, just the scale is different, sometimes big, sometimes small. I learnt about their ways of talking, some new English vocab or pronounciation, some insight to life, their lifestyle, their funny patients, their difficult cases of pt, how they handling it, how bad is their day in ward, stress and satisfaction when they doing 1 project currently... and don’t be surprise, they have the same bewilderness as you. At some days, when I m so fucked up (new vocab learn from colleagues) after a day of tiring work for searching the elusive casenote, handing a potential complained case or demanding pt, or writing the ‘all discharged at the sametime” memos, I will spit it out about my terrible day to my colleagues. And, I felt relieved, because I know he/she understand what m I talking about. While we hanging out together, it is like a mutual counseling session, an unformal way of CPD (continuous professional development). And the biggest advantage I have over my coursemate who work in Malaysia is, learn to see things from the perspective of different culture, different country, different system, through my daily interaction with my colleagues here.

3. Make UKM proud
Sounds like a standard slogan from a university lecturer. Every1 should proud of where u come from, no1 should let you feel inferior unless u allow it. UKM physiotherapy is a ‘young’ course. Our clinical knowledge about musculoskeletal or some other areas may not as good as our other colleagues, but we have our strength. And it is you to tell them what it is. No superior figure with great career in our alumni? You be the one.

All the best my dearest junior! Enjoy life! suddenly think of 1 sentence in mandarin: 去经历风雨吧！haha..how to translate in english?

七月十七日 — 冲动与三思

今天一大清早就去上课，
结果竟然取消了。。。
我应该很生气，还是习惯就好呢?
本来有一股冲动想就这样跑回家的，
最后还是三思了。
我还有好多东西要做，
所以要独立坚强点！
今天大家又在烦。
本来对台湾又有点信心了，
可是文不去了。
想在大家都把目标转到新加坡。
我是绝对不会去新加坡的。
那里真的很压力。
我不想在这么压力的环境工作。
所以不用选择了吧~
大家都在考虑未来了。
未来，我会怎样呢？
我会留在政府部门还是私立呢？
如果私立的话，
我会留在马来西亚还是去新加坡呢？
最后，我真的有必要现在就想好未来吗？
一个字——烦！！

七月十六日 — LI

讲讲今天又被哪个印度人吓着了。。。
最近都一直被黑人吓，
吓到很压力。。。
昨天告诉我们LI的事，
更压力了。
原来要考虑的因数很多，
我还以为随便选选就好。。
今天讨论了一天，
都还无法做决定。
从槟城，到雪兰莪，到马六甲和昔加末；
从清迈到台湾。。。
每个人都觉得我越来越像希了。。
真糟糕！！
不过，已把范围缩小了。
但要去哪个国家，
就真的还需要很多考量。
国内的，
想去这里，却又怕没住宿没交通，
去哪里，又觉得没病人学不到。
可悲的我们，
竟然要去多病人的地方，
那什么时候才能国泰民安呢？
原来真的很难选，
也只有我是后之后觉的=.='"

今天听了一场讲座，
I should have DESIRE, BELIEVE AND RIGHT SYSTEM.
I should set target for myself,
I should believe myself that I can do it!!
And I should choose a way of study which more suitable to me other than now.
That is what I should do.
Add oil for everything.
I CAN DO IT!!!

七月十五日 — 我是变态~

今天时间表终于出了。
看时间表是我的兴趣，
看它我也可以变的很开心^^
因为我可以计划什么时候回家。。。
哈哈~我是变态~
其实很忧郁要不要回家，
刘他们都有回。
想想，我应该加油，
多放点时间在学业上的，
所以决定不回了。
最近很压力，
尤其是今天的药剂学课。
三个小时，
最后的半小时真地放弃了——睡着了。
药剂学啊~
希望你不会太难，
每次跟别系学生一起上的科目，
不知道受了什么诅咒，
不管多用功还是考不好。。。
Haiz….
我一定要加油啊！！！

七月十四日 — 简单~幸福

今天在大街上看到了一幕真人真事。
真的觉得很感动。
一位老伯伯和一位老婆婆，
七老八十了，
都还那么的恩爱。
那位老伯伯先站在路边等巴士，
我还以为他是路边的流浪汉。
当他的巴士来了的时候，
那却走进了巴士亭来，
我还以为他要干嘛，
原来他要牵老婆婆上巴士。
那一刻，我们七个人都傻眼了。
我们感染到他的幸福了。
我们多好羡慕她那幸福的美。
年轻人总是不断的追求幸福，
总问幸福几时才来？
此时此刻，幸福就这么简单。
有人说，二十一世纪的爱情，
每一个是真心的，
所以我相信一半以上的人，
都不相信爱情吧。
根有人说，
相信爱情的傻瓜。。
可笑吧。
希望他们健健康康，努力地为对方活下去。
因为他们很需要彼此。
听着要发送来清唱的歌曲，
我觉得很好笑。
他还真够烂漫。
他的另一半很幸福吧。
不过，
我觉得只要是唱情歌的男生都很深情，
听他唱歌，
我也觉得到幸福。
朋友间的幸福~
希望他也幸福~
p/s:银色情人节快乐

七月十三日 — A new Mr.Vjiay

Today is another busy day for me.
First class of the semester,
Is Mr. Vijay.
This class I had pay full concentration.
Wah, I finally can understand he taught.
And not only me,
most of us can understand what he taught.
Haha~
Today topic is about sport injury.
Before that I quite interest with this career,
Cause I don’t want myself strict to hospital.
And sport injury more energetic and fun
compare to hospital setting.
This semester I take 20 credit hours.
Even quite disappointed with myself,
Still I hope I can achieve as good as what I can do.
Fight for this semester.
While Mr Leoard class.
‘u’r so ashamed’
Ya,the moment he said so,
I feel ashamed.
Even I hate him,
But I know this is good for us.
So, I want myself be positive thinking
Gambateh!!

七月十二日 — A day that i lost my freedom

今天没上课，
有个简短的简报。
以后要穿formal衣服上课，
有一点很痛苦。
以后星期四还要穿batik,
感觉更加痛苦。。。
可是从另一个角度想想，
真的很痛苦吗？
不管怎样的决定，
我还是会跟着变。
还是要防抗一下，
变得比较有意义？！
哈哈~
到头来我还是会变也一定会变。
如果我继续自怨自艾，
我就永远都不会进步。
加油。。。熨衣时间到~
p/s: 这届的大力神杯花落西班牙。
Paul 真的很神——神算章鱼

七月十一日 — 开始与结束

今天回去了，回到了原来的位置。
只是一个开始，也是一个结束。
结束——我的假期结束了。
这次两个月半的假期，
我有成长到吗？
这个假期，
先到了岛屿度假，
再到吉隆坡玩了一个星期，
会了清迈来的学生，
然后和朋友去了马六甲玩，
在然后就和朋友一起疯狂世界杯，
然后就真地结束了。
这个假期，
跟他们玩到真的很开心。
因为有他们，
我的假期才真的很精彩。
当然这个假期还有其他事情，
从我努力去做，
到一切顺利发展，
然后我心碎了。
现在都要结束了。
开心过，努力过，
所以也该结束了。

开始——新的开始。
我可以把它看成是个新的开始吗？
我要好好为自己的学业努力。
玩过了，
就好好为自己的前途努力吧。。
我要加油才行！
明天要去开学了，
加油加油~
p/s: 祝你生日快乐，永远的好朋友~
要记得我们的约定噢~
我也很感动能跟你分享了一整夜。
希望你梦想成真。
我们都要好好为自己努力一番！